Every Pet Deserves A Good Home…

How to Give a Cat a Pill

Read all the way to the end Winking smile

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently

apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth,

pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm

and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear

paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back

of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

Call spouse in from the garden.
clip_image005 clip_image006

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front

and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold

head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.

Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap.

Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and

set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head

just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force

mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink

one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and

remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer.

Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.

Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11.. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.

Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to

cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress

to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch

new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree

across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving

to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^’s front

paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.

Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it.

Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the

emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm

and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home

to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet

shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill
                                1. Wrap it in bacon.
                                               2. Toss it in the air.



September 10, 2011 - Posted by | Animal and Pet Photos, animal behavior, Animal or Pet Related Stories, animals, Dogs, Just One More Pet, Pets | , ,

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